Bitter is the New Black


About: "This is the story of how a haughty former sorority girl went from having a household income of almost a quarter-million dollars to being evicted from a ghetto apartment...It's a modern Greek tragedy, as defined by Roger Dunkle in The Classical Origins of Western Culture: a story in which 'the central character, called a tragic protagonist or hero suffers some serious misfortune which is not accidental and therefore meaningless, but is significant in that the misfortune is logically connected.' In other words? She had it coming."

I bought this book on Amazon after Haley raved about it to me. I think Jen, the author, would be a fun friend to have - she's definitely full of life and has lots of crazy stories, but I didn't find her particularly hilarious. More than anything she's just mastered the art of sarcasm and a snarky sense of humor. But overall the book kept me entertained and I'll probably read the sequel. This would be a good book to take to the pool or beach, but overall it's not a must-read.

Quotes:

Page 59, "Or how about all the buffoons who drive buses in this city? The few times I've ridden the 56 route, the driver acts like he's doing me a favor if he comes to a complete stop when it's time to exit. Yeah, sorry, Manuel, but it's kind of hard for me to tuck and roll in a Calvin Klein cigarette skirt. No wonder I always take cabs!"

Page 137, "I follow her to the room where the rest of the new volunteers have gathered for orientation. Again, I'm the only well-dressed person here. Why is that? Do these freaks enjoy looking like the creatures from the bar scene in Star Wars? Regardless, it's charity, so I'm going to be on my best behavior and not make fun of the mutants. Maybe I'll even try to be friendly."

Page 223, "I break into a cold sweat, as it dawns on me that everyone else in this building is planning to run 26.2 miles on Sunday. They're looking at me wondering how on earth I'm going to compete in this race! With each step I take, I feel cellulite blossoming on my arms, my stomach, and my calves. Stop it! I think my chin just multiplied and my thighs inflated. No! Deflate! Deflate!...Eventually someone in a Just Do IT t-shirt asks me, 'How's your training going?' 'Great. I find carb-loading Big Macs and Hershey bars right before the race really helps me achieve my personal best,' I reply. An awkward silence falls over the group while they stare down at the hundred dollar running shows. 'You guys understand I'm kidding, right? I'm just picking up the packet for a friend,' I add. They break out into a relieved (and highly insulting) laughter.'...At this point, every single person on the south end of the exhibit hall is watching me. So I pull the Twix bar out of my bag and begin to masticate loudly and obnoxiously. I do an exaggerated waddle up to the T-shirt area and see the lines are broken down by size. I wave a chocolate-coated hand at the volunteer and shout in a faux-New York accent, 'Yo, yuh, you, little girlie. You got dese shirts in triple XLs? Gotta make sure it covers all my beauty-ful curves.' Karen Carpenter II meekly raises an emaciated finger in the direction of the biggest shirts and I'm off."

Page 241, "Does she think I'm completely stupid? I may have arrived here in a yellow vehicle today, but it was a cab, not the short bus. Is she afraid if I can't find the bathroom, I'll whiz in the coat closet?"

Page 242, "I scrub the desk's surface, drawers, and cabinets with the unopened bottle of Fantastik I found buried under a pile of month-old newspapers in the corner of her work space. The paper towels turn black with my very first pass. I bet she's out sick because she caught Ebola from her desk."

Page 253, "Lemme see if I've got this straight. You want amenities, safety, and affordability?Easy enough. Pick two."

Page 293, Her response to a hate mail letter is too long to type, but it's great.


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